LILT: Nebel 3.0

I've made some pretty major changes, including standardising the rhyming formula across the whole song. Till has varied the rhyming order from verse to verse. My English adaption works better with an AABB rhythm across the board, so I've shuffled lines within each verse. I also think it may be finished:

Embracing as one they stand
Where land and sea meet to hold hands
One being since their lost youth
She wants to tell him the cruel truth

But her words tear in the wind
Trembling she takes his warm hand
And she kisses his broad brow
And the sea will not lie down

Deep in her breast blooms darkest night
She lies her tired head on his thigh
As she will soon face the abyss
She asks him for one last, sweet kiss

And then he gives her her kiss
Her soft lips pale as mist
His eyes, dimming, become drowned
And the sea seems to lie down

That last kiss is
So far away
That last kiss was...
The memories decay

When I hear this song I see an autumnal beach on a grey, gusty day, with an older couple clinging together while dealing with a very sad situation. I see rough seas, with spray blowing from the crests of the waves, creating a cold, wet mist. It's a tragedy. I find the couple uplifting and encouraging though. They've had a lifetime of being joined as a single entity, and only later in life do they have to face its loss.

[lyrics][discuss]

LILT: Nebel 1.1

Embracing as one they stand
As one being since their spent youth
Where the sea and land hold hands
She wants to tell him the cruel truth

But the wind snatches her words
Where the sea comes to lie down
Trembling she takes his warm hand
And she kisses his handsome brow

Deep in her breast roosts the twilight
And she will soon face the abyss
She lies her tired head on his thigh
And asks him for one last, sweet kiss

And then he gives her her kiss
Her lips are pale and soft
Where the sea comes to lie down
His eyes are swiftly drowned

That last kiss is
So far away
That last kiss was
His mind has been decayed

[lyrics][discuss]

LILT: Nebel 1.0

For a change of pace I've begun Nebel, an intensely sad song. It's lovely though:

They stand embracing as one
As one being since their spent youth
Where the sea and land touch hands
She wants to tell him the cruel truth

But the wind snatches her words
Where the sea comes to lie down
Trembling she takes his warm hand
And she kisses his handsome brow

Twilight is roosting in her breast
And she will soon face the abyss
She lies her tired head on his leg
And asks him for one last, sweet kiss

And then he gives her her kiss
Where the sea comes to lie down
Her lips are pale and fine
And his eyes are soon drowned

That last kiss is
So far away
That last kiss was
His mind has been decayed

[lyrics][discuss]