The response to the video post to the Rammstein FB page has been interesting. The majority of reactions to the English lyrics have been critical of the inaccuracy, i.e. my adaption is not a verbatim translation. This is a given, since my goal is to produce working English lyrics, rather than a literal translation. I don't speak German. I leave that to the Jeremy Williamses of this world. Jeremy speaks German like a native, and has a solid grasp of attractive English prose, so his translations are very elegant, and come with useful notes where English falls down. He's most definitely the guy you go to for Rammstein translations.
I, on the other hand, am a poet. I make every effort to be faithful to Till's intent where it is apparent, and to his words where it isn't. I try to inject as much clever word-play and subtle or unsubtle humour (where appropriate) as I can. I also have the singer foremost in my mind at all times. If someone were to perform Rammstein's songs with my lyrics in place of Till's the idea is that they could ride Till's rhythmic and rhymic rails with my words, and it should work, musically. If that means a shift in the actual wording then so be it. I am not trying to mirror the man's work verbally at the expense of usability. I am writing English lyrics.
I think part of the problem is also that Soeren, who made the video, has replaced some of my lines with more accurate translations, so it's a mixture of literal but rhythmically dissonant lines, and my texturally correct but verbally shifted English lyrics. This inconsistency is probably a little confusing to the uninitiated. Why use the shifted English lyrics at all when you can translate it literally? Or why use the literal translation when you have English lyrics that fit the music?
I'm not sure what his reasoning was for mixing it up, but I think either way the video is effective and fun.
Another response has been a pretty serious up-turn in German traffic to LILT. I am not sure why. Most of my readers have been from the US until last week. Now suddenly up to 50 % of my traffic has come from Germany. I can only assume that the official FB page attracts domestic fans more than my usual referrers.
Anyway, if you're from Germany and reading this please forgive me the liberties I have taken with Till's German lyrics. In order for me to do what I aim to do it is entirely necessary, and by no means reflects badly on the original German lyrics. My appreciation for Till's German lyrics is what drives me to do this in the first place.
The less said about his English lyrics the better...
Showing posts with label Halleluja. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Halleluja. Show all posts
2010-04-11
2010-04-04
Halleluja!
I figure this should have its own post, given that my work has been used in a video posted on the official Rammstein Facebook page. I just had a link in the update I made to the Halleluja LILT, but it's kind of cool, even if it has been altered a little, so this is my skite.
LILT: Halleluja 3.1
Funnily enough, the recent use and redevelopment of my Halleluja LILT on Facebook has highlighted a need for further change:
[lyrics]
Deeply feeling and so pious
On his wall Our Lord is nailed
He wipes the defects from the Bible
He gives Communion without fail
He loves all the choir boys
Their pure souls so crystal clear
But the tenor gives him pause
So he has to keep him near
On the nightstand, not a sound
Our Lord's image
Is turned slowly 'round
When the church bells strike the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is a single priest and
[Hallelujah]
Neighbourly love is in his lesson
[Hallelujah]
The youth is allowed to stay
Sin nests at half his height
Reverend Father kneels to pray
To music and candlelight
When the church bells strike the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is a single priest and
[Hallelujah]
Neighbourly love is in his lesson
[Hallelujah]
When the church bells strike the hour
[Hallelujah]
He includes the boy in his prayers
[Hallelujah]
He is a true Christian
[Hallelujah]
Charity no mystery to him
[Hallelujah]
Turn slowly around
Turn around
[lyrics]
2009-08-16
LILT: Halleluja 3.0
Promoted, minus the esoteric part and with further development:
[lyrics][discuss]
Deeply feeling and so pious
On his wall Our Lord is nailed
He wipes the defects from the Bible
He gives Communion without fail
He loves all the choir boys
Their pure souls so crystal clear
But the tenor gives him pause
So he has to keep him near
On the nightstand, not a sound
Our Lord's image
Is turned slowly 'round
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is a single parson
[Hallelujah]
Neighbourly love is in his lesson
[Hallelujah]
The youth is allowed to stay
Sin nests at half his height
Reverend Father kneels to pray
To music and candlelight
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is a single parson
[Hallelujah]
Neighbourly love is in his lesson
[Hallelujah]
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is a true Christian
[Hallelujah]
Charity no mystery to him
[Hallelujah]
Turn slowly around
Turn around
[lyrics][discuss]
2009-08-09
LILT: Halleluja 1.3
I'm not sure if this is a step forward or back. The chorus has been blasted, and a few less dramatic changes have also been made. The chorus might have to be reverted, because though it works better rhythmically it is a bit odd:
Deeply feeling and so pious
On his wall Our Lord is nailed
He wipes the defects from the Bible
He gives Communion without fail
He loves all the choir boys
With their souls so crystal clear
But the tenor gives him pause
So he has to keep him near
On the nightstand, not a sound
Our Lord's image
Is turned slowly 'round
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is a single cleric
[Hallelujah]
Neighbourly love is esoteric
[Hallelujah]
The youth is allowed to stay
Sin nests at half his height
Reverend Father kneels to pray
To music and candlelight
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is a single cleric
[Hallelujah]
Neighbourly love is esoteric
[Hallelujah]
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is a true Christian
[Hallelujah]
Charity no mystery to him
[Hallelujah]
Turn slowly around
Turn around
[lyrics][discuss]
Deeply feeling and so pious
On his wall Our Lord is nailed
He wipes the defects from the Bible
He gives Communion without fail
He loves all the choir boys
With their souls so crystal clear
But the tenor gives him pause
So he has to keep him near
On the nightstand, not a sound
Our Lord's image
Is turned slowly 'round
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is a single cleric
[Hallelujah]
Neighbourly love is esoteric
[Hallelujah]
The youth is allowed to stay
Sin nests at half his height
Reverend Father kneels to pray
To music and candlelight
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is a single cleric
[Hallelujah]
Neighbourly love is esoteric
[Hallelujah]
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is a true Christian
[Hallelujah]
Charity no mystery to him
[Hallelujah]
Turn slowly around
Turn around
[lyrics][discuss]
2009-08-01
LILT: Halleluja 1.2
Only one word changed this time, but it works better, so it's worth an iteration:
Deeply feeling and so pious
On his wall Our Lord is nailed
He wipes defacement from the Bible
He gives Communion without fail
He loves all the choir boys
With their souls so pure and clear
But the tenor gives him pause
So he has to keep him near
On the nightstand, not a sound
Our Lord's image
Is turned slowly 'round
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He's a single clergyman
[Hallelujah]
So he must share his love as he can
[Hallelujah]
The youth is allowed to stay
Sin nests at half his height
Reverend Father kneels to pray
To music and candlelight
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He's a single clergyman
[Hallelujah]
So he must share his love as he can
[Hallelujah]
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is a true Christian
[Hallelujah]
Charity no mystery to him
[Hallelujah]
Turn slowly around
Turn around
[lyrics][discuss]
There is something really compelling about this song. I keep coming back to it. I think it's that dramatic chorus. It's great.
Deeply feeling and so pious
On his wall Our Lord is nailed
He wipes defacement from the Bible
He gives Communion without fail
He loves all the choir boys
With their souls so pure and clear
But the tenor gives him pause
So he has to keep him near
On the nightstand, not a sound
Our Lord's image
Is turned slowly 'round
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He's a single clergyman
[Hallelujah]
So he must share his love as he can
[Hallelujah]
The youth is allowed to stay
Sin nests at half his height
Reverend Father kneels to pray
To music and candlelight
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He's a single clergyman
[Hallelujah]
So he must share his love as he can
[Hallelujah]
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is a true Christian
[Hallelujah]
Charity no mystery to him
[Hallelujah]
Turn slowly around
Turn around
[lyrics][discuss]
There is something really compelling about this song. I keep coming back to it. I think it's that dramatic chorus. It's great.
2009-07-30
LILT: Halleluja 1.1
Deeply feeling and so pious
On his wall Our Lord is nailed
He wipes pollution from the Bible
He gives Communion without fail
He loves all the choir boys
With their souls so pure and clear
But the tenor gives him pause
So he has to keep him near
On the nightstand, not a sound
Our Lord's image
Is turned slowly 'round
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He's a single clergyman
[Hallelujah]
So he must share his love as he can
[Hallelujah]
The youth is allowed to stay
Sin nests at half his height
Reverend Father kneels to pray
To music and candlelight
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He's a single clergyman
[Hallelujah]
So he must share his love as he can
[Hallelujah]
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is a true Christian
[Hallelujah]
Charity no mystery to him
[Hallelujah]
Turn slowly around
Turn around
[lyrics][discuss]
I feel dirty.
On his wall Our Lord is nailed
He wipes pollution from the Bible
He gives Communion without fail
He loves all the choir boys
With their souls so pure and clear
But the tenor gives him pause
So he has to keep him near
On the nightstand, not a sound
Our Lord's image
Is turned slowly 'round
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He's a single clergyman
[Hallelujah]
So he must share his love as he can
[Hallelujah]
The youth is allowed to stay
Sin nests at half his height
Reverend Father kneels to pray
To music and candlelight
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He's a single clergyman
[Hallelujah]
So he must share his love as he can
[Hallelujah]
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is a true Christian
[Hallelujah]
Charity no mystery to him
[Hallelujah]
Turn slowly around
Turn around
[lyrics][discuss]
I feel dirty.
2009-07-26
LILT: Halleluja 1.0
Ah, yes, you can count on Rammstein to have tackled this one:
He's deeply feeling and pious
On his wall Our Lord is nailed
He wipes blemishes from the Bible
He gives Communion without fail
He loves all the choir boys
All their souls kept so clear
But the tenor gives him pause
So he has to keep him near
On the nightstand, not a sound
God's image
He turns it slowly 'round
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is still an unmarried man
[Hallelujah]
So he must give his love as he can
[Hallelujah]
The youth is allowed to stay
Sin nests at half his height
So he gets down to pray it away
To music and candlelight
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is still an unmarried man
[Hallelujah]
So he must give his love as he can
[Hallelujah]
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is a true Christian
[Hallelujah]
Charity no mystery to him
[Hallelujah]
Turn slowly around
Turn around
Sorry, once again no lyrics link. Once Herzeleid is back on its feet I'll post these.
The song really needs no explanation. It's a wonderful song, despite or perhaps because of the subject matter. The choral vocals rock. I think it should have made general release on Mutter. I guess twelve tracks is just not in line with tradition :)
[lyrics][discuss]
[update 20090730: lyrics link added. Herzeleid's back!]
He's deeply feeling and pious
On his wall Our Lord is nailed
He wipes blemishes from the Bible
He gives Communion without fail
He loves all the choir boys
All their souls kept so clear
But the tenor gives him pause
So he has to keep him near
On the nightstand, not a sound
God's image
He turns it slowly 'round
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is still an unmarried man
[Hallelujah]
So he must give his love as he can
[Hallelujah]
The youth is allowed to stay
Sin nests at half his height
So he gets down to pray it away
To music and candlelight
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is still an unmarried man
[Hallelujah]
So he must give his love as he can
[Hallelujah]
When the church clock strikes the hour
[Hallelujah]
He folds his hands and knees in prayer
[Hallelujah]
He is a true Christian
[Hallelujah]
Charity no mystery to him
[Hallelujah]
Turn slowly around
Turn around
Sorry, once again no lyrics link. Once Herzeleid is back on its feet I'll post these.
The song really needs no explanation. It's a wonderful song, despite or perhaps because of the subject matter. The choral vocals rock. I think it should have made general release on Mutter. I guess twelve tracks is just not in line with tradition :)
[lyrics][discuss]
[update 20090730: lyrics link added. Herzeleid's back!]
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